Vegetarian Chili

I were a visitin' the church social an' I met a fellar who was a tellin' me he were a veggyterian. I never heared of that religion afore, so I asked my buddy Bowinkle T. Propwash iffin' he knowed what kinda religin a veggyterian would be. Bowinkle asked if he were a vegan! I sayed Bowinkle ain't none a my business iffin' he be a vegan or not. I weren't about to ask a total stranger bout his sex life! That Bowinkle ya'll just never no what he's a gonna say next.

I were a tellin' my other buddy, Buddy Lee bout Bowinkle an he started laffin likin a body put a frog in his shorts. He sayed Charlie, a veggyterian ain't no religion! It be a body what don't eat meat. That thare infermashun sure made me feel some cumpashoun fer him, what not eatin' meat and such. Iffin' that veggyterian had been some religion, I were a thinkin' it be up to Charlie what to get him saved from that meatless life. That be a real sin in my book, but sensin it ain't no religion, I'm afeared he be hopeless, not just meatless.

Charlie beein' the good man what I is, figgured even them veggyterians what got to et somethang or thay gonna die, so I dreamed up this here resipee fer chili what got no meat. I be the first to tell ya'll that the roadkill makes the meal, but iffin' ya'll want it here be the meatless vershun.

Vegetarian Chili

This be fer folks what don’t eat meat. I cain’t figger that one out cause to me meat be the best part a the hole meal.

Here’s yer fixin’s:  This be anuff fer bout 6-8 helpin’s fer normal folks

4 cans “petite” diced tomaters (whatever petite is, I dunno, but thays chopped up real tiny like)

2 cans Brooks Chili Beans

2 packs McCormick Chili Seasoning Mix

(Depending on how much of a man ya’ll be, you can git it from whimpy mild to good n hot fer real men with bothin the beans an the chili mix)

Here’s how ya cook it:

Ya’ll gonna need a big pot fer this’n

Iffin’ ya’ll got lektricity and onea dem fancy stirrin’ thangs they call a “blender” git it to, otherwise getcha a tater masher er a hammer

Open all yer cans and yer seasoning packs

Put 1 can a beans and 2 cans a tomaters in the pot

Take the tuther cans an put in that thare blender iffin’ ya got one; iffin’ not just smash em up til they be juice within yer tater masher or hammer

Pour the juice in the pot

Add the seasoning mixes and stir it real good within yer favorite stirrin stick

Let er come to a boll on the stove and then put a lid on yer pot and let er simmer fer about 10 minutes ( simmerin’ is little tiny bubbles kinda like it be a belchin’)

Some folks like to be a eatin’ chili within’ spagetty er crackers. Charlie always takes any chance he can git to eat cheeze, so I put a big ole hanful on mine. Them Mexican fellars I know, puts them green thangs they be callin’ japalaneyo peppers on it to. An suma em puts that thare sour cream stuff on it to. I shure don’t know why a body would ruin some good chili within sour milk but dem Mexican fellars like what thay be a likin’.

When ya’ll got it fixed up the way ya be a likin’ it, all that’ll be a missin’ is the meat. That be a dirty, rottin shame. Oh well, injoy!

Let’s eat,

Cuzin Charlie